POP 2011

Disclaimer: This is gonna be a rather emo post...
so take ur own discretion and do not continue if u hve no wish to read my gl emotions ><
wow n im listening to qing ge wang while typing this... LOL

well whr to start... lets juz start from while i was walking pass the audi...
watching them tie the tripods' reinforcements...
it made me recall of the time when we were first starting to teach them the knots and lashes...
all the basic knots... square lashes... demo-ing for them to see... hahaz
well tt was what i was thinking when i was walking pass and looking on...
how long had it been eh? since we were last teaching them... to now they can juz do it themselves... at least a proper one?
emotions running amok... sighs... how much had they grown...
the time when we were still taking them... young and innocent... new to all these... to current full-fledged NCOs... taking over the unit... everything is upto them now...
ok well skip all the part whr we were making jr n jc's presents... and all the waiting...
the parade itself... drill competition itself...
i saw the drill comp they did in hta...
and plus this performance this time around...
what can i say... they have definitely improved from tt time when we took them...
and they have probably heard this alot of time by now... throughout the course of tc and stuff... but still im gonna say it again... "Is this the standard of a NCO squad?"
i know i had said this once be4 but still... a sqd is made up of a grp of ppl collectively and nt juz how a few individuals shine and the rest juz slack off... but i had definitely seen improvement frm back then in everyone... keep it up and keep improving...
during the drill comp, while my sqdmates were commenting on the drills... though i couldnt help but to agree with them... my heart was practically hoping with all its might tt u all could hve done better...
well its the first time they r planning such a big scale event for the entire unit... i cant help but compliment them on their efforts despite nt exactly everything went smoothly with their plans...
eh call me biased or whatever... they were once my sqd, under me >< so i got the right to be at least slightly biased towards them rite? LOL
ok other than the fact tt there wasnt much left for us other than the beehoon n rice... the dinner was pretty ok... except for the transition period was too long as they chiong-ed to finish the platform...
eventually it was juz left thr while the concert started...
throughout the concert... thr was pretty much nth else on my mind except for the speeches...
how it kept reminding me of how their speech on me went...
yeah u can call it ego or anything but.. the year1s tt we had used to lead is now the leaders of the unit...
some things... its juz cant be explained in mere words... seeing how the sqd u had once taken slowly growing from unknowing to allknowing... its a pretty weird feeling...
the entire concert i was comparing between us n our yr1 sqd Ns and our year 1 squad turned NCO sqd and us...
whats the relationship? were we able to maintain it?
i had chosen the path of the devil to keep my distance and be the fiercest when necessary... but deep down i care for them comparably with any other of my fellow sqd Ns... wishing for them to grow and mature... trying to be firm yet softer when out of activities and trainings...
was it enough? should i have been a full devil lik junchong?
watching the concert, mind racing... my heart was tearing (as in not the breaking tearing, but the crying tearing)
its pretty much a very sour feeling in my heart... there were no tears to cry... juz emotions...
actually i had hoped to hear their sqd song at least once... but never really did got the chance... hahaz
but i strongly believe in what junchong and junrong said... abt the bonds tt will hold...
i have totally no idea how long it will last... but i sure hope a long long time...
despite having my sqdmates around me... they were a pretty noisy bunch throughout the concert... yeah i know though it doesnt really concern them... but they r disrupting it.. badly..
at least tts what i thought of the myt bunch + sandy = disastrous lol...
though i also dun really understand why i mind it so much back then ><
winston doesnt really show it... but i can tell tt he shares pretty much the same sentiments as me... he kept not 1 but 5 of the souvenirs given out...
i took one and tried to pass on the rest but as no one took...
i juz simply couldnt bear to throw away their efforts... the efforts of what my sqd put in to make each and everyone of tt small token... i took back all 7...
the concert ended with my heart still tearing... with tears of joy or because im touched tt they have grown so much i dun really know...
it ended on a pretty low note... i can say... jr n jc ended up singing our sqd song -.-" so thr wasnt much of a show lik we expected hahaz
then when we exited the audi... surprisingly the gateway was alrdy gone... high possibility it was taken down n removed alrdy...
but apparently thr was something else thr not taken...
the npcc crest signboards and also a proposal were left behind the boards in front of the audi...
not wanting the CIs to find out, i decided to call junjie to settle them... but aft waiting several mins w/o any movement and since we were leaving...
i sent a msg over to someone in the new NCO sqd...
the reply wasnt exactly what i had expected and i wasnt trying to act anonymous...
even though the first qns i wanted to ask was really whether they managed to settle the boards be4 they got found out... i stopped myself... they r NCOs now... they shld be able to settle their own problems, learning on past mistakes...
i have really nth much more tt i can giv to them... except for my help n comfort shld they ever need them... aft all no matter what... i will still keep a look out for them ><
i dun even know if any1 would even be able to read this and understand me... but tt sqd was once an essential part of me... and would always be... now and forever :D

so sry tt im juz a selfish bastard... but well tts life...
but even among my sqdmates i can feel the bond tt we had once held had already weakened considerably...
well aft nt meeting each other for so damn long...
if u r nt in bio / guitar... u r juz simply 'one of the rest' who dun exactly connect much with the others...
juz exactly how long can the bond last?
its up to the sands of time to tell...

1:59AM
its juz still ME
maybe im the only one thinking tt the bond has weaken... but is it not entirely true?